Foster on Film

The still beating heart of Frankenstein (they don’t say Frankenstein’s Monster; they say Frankenstein) is taken to Japan in 1945, but it is lost when the atomic bomb destroys Nagasaki.  Fifteen years later, an American medical researcher (Nick Adams), his sidekick vivisectionist, and a nurse find a  radiation resistant boy with a flat head.  The boy soon grows to giant size (ummmm, I guess because of the radiation, because that’s what always happens to anything that gets a dose of radiation…) and runs around in a continually enlarging shirt, till he finds a reptilian cocker spaniel to punch.

What the hell?  Ummm.  Really.  Just, what the hell?

For this film to go into production, a room full of suits had to say the words, “Yeah, a giant Frankenstein, that’s a good idea.  We’ll put up the cash, but only if he fights an immense puppy.”  Yes, this is one of the dumbest daikaiju films you’ll find, and considering there’s a giant flaming turtle out there, that’s saying something.

It starts amazingly well, remembering that it is about    who eventually wrestles a reptilian puppy.  In war torn Nazi Germany, a mad scientist (with full 1940s Universal Pictures-type lab) is interrupted from his work by soldiers, who take away a chest that holds the heart of Frankenstein.  Thud-dum, thud-tum, thud-dum.  A u-boat rendezvous with a Japanese sub (and is then destroyed) which carries the heart to Nagasaki.  Thud-dum.  We all know what happens next.  This is good stuff.  Very moody.  It could be the beginning of a gothic horror picture or perhaps a film using Frankenstein as a metaphor for the pain the people of Japan felt over the nuclear destruction of a major city.  But it isn’t.  It’s the beginning of a really goofy giant monster flick.

Fans of guys in rubber suits stepping on plastic houses may think I’m being severe;  after all, it’s all about the monsters, right?  Wrong.  This movie is all about the two unpleasant doctors and the cute chick.  They talk about the monster.  They look for the monster.  Most of the time is spent with them.  Are they interesting enough to hold the picture together?  Almost, in that they are sadistic sons of bitches.  When the sidekick looks up the old Nazi doctor, he’s told that the way to tell if the boy they have is Frankenstein is to chop off a limb; if it grows back, he’s Frankenstein, and if it doesn’t, he’s just an armless kid.  It’s the sort of thing you’d expect an evil mad scientist to say.  But sidekick guy embraces this wholeheartedly.  OK, he’s a prick.  But the swell American doc doesn’t object either.  His only comment is that they should get the girl’s opinion.  He’s supposed to be the good guy?  Am I missing something about 1960s Japanese culture?  Well, I hope you find that intriguing because you’ll spend a lot of time with these three.

Scenes with the monster don’t help.  He starts as this obviously Asian kid (which they insist is Caucasian; is this payback for all those white guys who played Charlie Chan?) with a flat head and and the look of someone with severe mental retardation.  As the film goes on, he looks the same, but gets to stand next to miniature trees.  The big fight has him pitted against Baragon, a burrowing quadruped with a cheesy light beam, glowing horn, and big floppy ears.  Since he’s just a guy on his hands and knees in a suit, he looks like he’s trundling along, his ears waggling as he goes.  Not exactly ferocious.  There’s a few good moments when you can only see the creatures in silhouette due to the flames behind them, but the climax is too convenient and completely out of the blue.

For anyone looking for the true, undubbed version, there isn’t one.  American actor Nick Adams, who puts in the same kind of subpar performance here that he would manage in Godzilla vs. Monster Zero delivers his lines in English while the rest of the cast sticks with Japanese.  Choose a version, and someone is dubbed.  I originally saw the American version (everyone except Adams is dubbed) at the theater when I was five.  I recall finding it fun, but stupid, forgettable, and too juvenile (I probably said something like: “That was for babies.”  I doubt I used the term juvenile at the time).  For this review, I watched it in Japanese (Adams is dubbed into that language by a guy with a substantially deeper voice), with English subs.  I can’t say one is better than the other, although the subtitles certainly produce more unintentional humor, unless you think “atomic disease” is a good phrase to replace “radiation poisoning.”  I still found the film occasionally fun (far too occasionally), but stupid, forgettable, and too juvenile.

It is also known as Frankenstein vs. Baragon.  One of its pre-release names was Frankenstein vs. the Giant Devil Fish, where “the Giant Devil Fish” refers to an octopus that Frankenstein fought.  However, the octopus footage was cut.  The scene is rumored to be in the Japanese release, but it was not in the version I watched.