Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: The ADigitalMan Edit

Oct 022012
 

This is a review of a “Fan Edit.”  Details of the original film, including twists and the ending,  may be revealed.

How do you follow Raiders of the Lost Ark?  George Lucas and Steven Spielberg couldn’t figure it out, so they ended up with Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, the weak link in the trilogy documenting the adventures of cinema’s all time most entertaining archeologist.

The story has Indy (Harrison Ford, in case you’re not paying attention), one year before his search for the Ark of the Covenant, crash landing in India with a brainless, blonde singer, who—for reasons known only to George Lucas—goes by the name Willie, and a precocious Chinese kid.  Assumed to be saviors sent by holy forces, the three set off to rescue the kidnapped children of a village and recover a magic rock.

I suppose that had I stumbled upon this film, an unknown action tale of a no name professor and two annoying sidekicks battling nineteenth century stereotypes, I might have found it an appealing way to lose a few hours on a Saturday afternoon.  It is far from a perfect movie, but it has some fun moments, as long as you aren’t expecting much.  But this isn’t an unknown film about an unknown character, and it was, and still is, a great disappointment.

Since I’m looking at the flick in terms of its potential as a source of fan edits, I’ll forget about what worked, and focus on where it went wrong:

  • A rambling narrative without a mythic goal.
  • A weak, shallow, female lead.
  • A child Man Friday (For God’s sake, why not just give Indy a puppy and be done with it).
  • Juvenile humor that doesn’t even work on its low level.
  • A villain that appears half way through the movie and is never given a personality.
  • Action sequences that go on too long, and, since they exist purely for the sake of spectacle, do not engage the viewer’s emotions.
  • An unbelievable romance that—since this is a prequel—we know will never amount to anything.  (Sure, he wants to get laid, and she’s cute enough.  That’s fine.  But why must they have some deep connection when there’s no way these two could care about each other on anything but a physical level?)
  • A racist portrayal of India and its inhabitants.
  • No sense of urgency or feeling that all of this matters (tossing a bunch of children into danger is a cheap way to raise tension, and in this case, this clichéd device doesn’t do the trick).

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: The ADigitalMan Edit

Editor: ADigitalMan.  Runtime: 113 min (-5 min).  2006.

A gentle edit, ADigitalMan doesn’t try to change Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, but merely tweak it.  He pulls back some of the most absurd moments.  It’s amazing how much better he makes the film with so little cutting.

Partly, that’s due to the skill of the edits.  They’re perfect (at least for viewing on a 36 inch TV with a home stereo set at 5.  I couldn’t find a single jerking movement, out of place sound, or mismatched musical moment.  As far as what is on the screen, the cuts could have been done by original editors Michael Kahn and George Lucas.  With only a DVD to work from, this is amazing.  I had to run the studio edition simultaneously to determine where each alteration was made.

Of course skill bows to artistry, and here ADigitalMan also shows top form.  Everything that has been removed, should have been removed.  Mainly, it is the out of place, failed humor of Willie that’s now on the floor.  She screams less, whines less, comments on her fingernails less, and says fewer ridiculous lines.  This doesn’t make her a stronger character, but she is less annoying.  The most significant change is in the dinner scene.  Before, Indy’s serious discussion (read: exposition time) was broken up by Willie doing sitcom reactions to nauseating food items as they are brought to the table.  I can’t say why Lucas and Spielberg thought that people eating eels and giant bugs would be entertaining, or that Willie almost vomiting would be hilarious, but I can say that once again, they were mistaken.  ADigitalMan removes a majority of the poorly conceived food humor, keeping only what is needed for continuity: the first snake dish is still served, and Willie still faints at the sight of the monkey brains.  This makes the scene about Indy, which is pretty clever in an Indiana Jones movie.

With such effusive praise for ADigitalMan’s editing skills, you might think that I was going to stamp this work an unqualified success.  Ah, you don’t know me well.  While all the cuts are good ones, the project was too conservative.  There are still too many horrible moments with Willie, at least some of which could have been removed (the “romance” would have been a good place to start).  And while Willie has the most cringe-worthy lines, Short Round, Indy’s pidgin-English spewing child companion is close behind.  Unfortunately, his part is almost untouched.  A minute or two less of him yelling “Doctor Jones” would be an immense improvement.  And I’d be happy never to again hear:

“Okey dokey Doctor Jones.  Hold on to your potatoes.”
“D’is is fun!”
“Very funny.  Ha ha ha, very funny.  Ha ha ha, all wet.”
“Not my fault. Not my fault.  Not my fault.  Not my fault.”

ADigitalMan has made a more watchable version of a flawed film.  I see no reason to ever pick up the original again.  But he has left room for another editor to step in and improve upon his work.  I wonder what George Lucas is doing now-a-days.

 Fan Edits, Reviews

The Crow: The O’Barr Edit

Oct 022012
 

This is a review of a “Fan Edit.”  Details of the original film, including twists and the ending,  may be revealed.

For anyone outside of the goth subculture, The Crow is primarily known for the death of Brandon Lee. The son of martial arts legend Bruce Lee was shot and killed in a stunt gone wrong. It’s hard to guess how the movie would have been remembered had Lee lived, or even what the movie would have been like. Better, I’d guess.

The story follows the simple revenge exploitation standard (I Spit on Your Grave). A girl is raped and killed and her boyfriend, Eric Draven, is tossed out a window. A year later, Draven returns from the dead for vengeance. He hunts down and kills the attackers in a predictable fashion. Spicing up the action (and supplying enough additional plot to make the movie feature length) is the incestuous, Machiavellian pair of Top Dollar and Myca, crime lords who seek a way of steeling Draven’s invulnerability.

As is, The Crow isn’t satisfying.  (Read my full review of The Crow.)  What works is its stunning visual style, dizzying cinematography, mythic subplot, bizarre characters (well, a few anyway: Top Dollar and Myca command every scene they are in), and the savage violence.

More important when considering fan edits is what doesn’t work, most notably, the demystification of the avenging ghost through repeated scenes of chit-chatting.  Yes, this ultimate goth spirit spends half his time sitting around shooting the breeze.  He has a nice talk to a policeman over beers.  He chats to the scrappy girl multiple times.  The production loses its grandeur when the icon of death is reminiscing with a twelve-year-old. And to go with that, the film would have benefited from both the girl and the policeman being eliminated or greatly reduced.  The plot is overly simplistic, but there’s not a lot you can do about that.

So, The Crow is ripe for fan editing.  It’s a tricky film to work with as the removal of Shelley, the young girl, and the policeman would leave a few holes.  But this is also a movie where replacing dialog with dark wave music would not be out of place.  There are possibilities.

The Crow: The O’Barr Edit
Editor: Suicidal Wombat Productions.  Runtime: 53 min (-48 min).  2007.

The stated intension of the fan editor (I’ll assume an individual until told otherwise) is to make the film as much like the comic book as possible.  I can’t say how well he succeeded.  It’s been nearly ten years since I read the comic.  But that doesn’t matter since I have no interest in his intension.  You can attempt to make a movie more like its source material.  You can also attempt to make a movie more like a watermelon.  Both options make about equal sense.  Two of the greatest movies, Blade Runner and Casablanca, are notorious for abandoning their sources.  My concern is only if a film is good, and in the case of a fan edit, if it is better than the original.  Unfortunately, it isn’t, in both cases.

Suicidal Wombat Productions’ cuts are severe, turning the feature into a short film.  The majority of Shelley’s screen time is gone and the policeman now is nothing more than the officer who happens to work the local area. This is a vast improvement and puts the film on the right track. Their subplots are not missed.  I would have liked to see even more trimming of Shelly as she’s still around to talk with Draven in the street as well as have breakfast with her mom (because there’s nothing better in a gritty revenge flick then a girl and her mom frying eggs).

The cuts also keep us with Draven, seeing the world as he does.  Most filmmakers make the mistake of leaving the protagonist when it is almost always more exciting to keep a single viewpoint.  This is particularly important in thrillers.  But the fan editor didn’t give us enough of Draven.  If we are sticking with him, then it is vital to start with him, but his resurrection has been removed.  It was an emotional jolt, and without it, the picture feels like it fades in on a story already in progress.

As I watch fan edits, time after time I end up saying, “Why didn’t he cut more.”  The biggest mistake is almost always being too delicate.  Not this time.  In general, Suicidal Wombat Productions chops too much.  This is most evident with the main villains, Top Dollar and Myca, who no longer have any great plans, nor are they adversaries to Draven.  Top Dollar is just some guy who has far too many lines for his limited purpose, and Myca is a girl who stands around a lot (yes fans, Bai Ling’s shower scene is gone—now that’s cruel).  This causes three huge problems that kill this version.  First, they were the most interesting and entertaining characters in the film.  Without them, no one shines. Second, without their subplot, the story is too simple even for 53 minutes (45 minutes excluding the credits).  It wasn’t all that clever before, but now we’re left with a painfully linear story: dead guy comes back and kills four guys; the end.  That’s the plot for a twelve minute short.  Finally, while Top Dollar and Myca are cut, they aren’t cut enough.  Keeping in mind I don’t think they should be cut at all, if their story is gone, they shouldn’t be hanging around all the time.  Undoubtedly, if the fan editor had been the original filmmaker, these two characters wouldn’t have been written into the story.  But they were written in, and appear in too many scenes to be excised after the fact.  If a viewer who hadn’t seen the original sat down to view this edit, he’d spend half his time scratching his head and asking why those two irrelevant characters kept popping up.

The Crow The O’Barr Edit is a black & white film because the comic lacked color.  Since the feature had a de-saturated pallet, it doesn’t make much difference, but what little it does is negative.  It is a movie where blood should be red.  What would have worked better is a Sin City treatment, where most of the world is shades of gray, but a few important things stand out with vibrant, primary colors.

The Crow is a movie in need of help, but it doesn’t get it here.  If you like the comic, you’re in luck because it is still available.  If you want to see a good Crow movie, like me, you’ll have to wait and hope.

 Fan Edits, Reviews

Constantine: Hellblazer

Oct 022012
 

This is a review of a “Fan Edit.”  Details of the original film, including twists and the ending,  may be revealed.

Constantine is a so-so action-horror film that has uninvolving action and nothing particularly frightening. It’s emotionally distant, with a recycled plot and underwritten characters. Its star, Keanu Reeves, based his interpretation of John Constantine upon bitter old men who are on hefty tranquilizers.  If that’s making it sound awful, then you may be surprised that it isn’t.  It’s just not all that good.  It’s an attractive time waster.  (Read my full review of Constantine.)

Constantine is a questionable choice for a fan edit.  The best sources are films that are basically very good, but have one or two distinct flaws that can be removed.  That’s not the case here.  Poor acting isn’t something that can be fixed with a few chops, nor is lackluster dialog. And there are no huge errors. I didn’t watch the original and think to myself, “Ah, that scene just doesn’t belong” as I did when watching Silent Hill.

However, it isn’t surprising that Constantine got the re-cut treatment.  It’s based on a cult comic, Hellblazer, which means it has a readership that has its own ideas about how the movie should have gone.

Hellblazer
Editor: Jorge.  Runtime: 126 min (+5 min).  2007.

I sat down with a feeling of trepidation to watch Jorge’s re-edit of Constantine.  It’s a bad sign when an editor mentions making a movie more like its source material.  I needn’t have worried.  While there are noticeable changes, it’s not a re-working of the film, but a mild alteration of it.  It is not an attempt to make a middling movie great (which would be doomed before it began), but only to make it a little better.  That it does.

What the now-titled Hellblazer does is keep the story on demon hunter John Constantine, with a few brief side trips with psychic Angela Dodson. There’s a rule in storytelling that almost no one remembers in filmmaking: Find a point of view, an entrance into the story, and stick with it.  If you follow one character, than the viewer gets the excitement of learning as he learns and is frightened by things that scare him.  If you float around from event to event, not only do you lose the mystery, but also the emotional intimacy.

Of course there are many, many reasons to abandon this mode of storytelling, but you need some kind of reason.  In Constantine the reason is to show a few cool action scenes.  It’s not enough.  The viewer is pulled away from John Constantine to watch a man carry the Spear of Destiny across the continent.  If there were some vital or even dramatic events connected to this trip, it might have made up for continually losing contact with the protagonist.  But the spear, like all the other magical toys that pop up throughout the film, is only significant for its single plot-device function. It could have been a +1 flaming sword or cloak of holding for all the difference it makes to the story (yup, Constantine has the same flow as your average role playing game).

In Hellblazer, the travelogue is missing. We learn about the spear when Constantine does, making what was nothing but a psychic flashback into something relevant.  The movie doesn’t start with people we will never know discovering something in the desert, but with Constantine learning lung cancer is going to kill him; the scene was moved from later in the film.  The changes don’t turn it into a personal story (nothing could), but they are steps in the right direction.

Not only do the cuts focus Hellblazer on John Constantine, but the additions do as well. Jorge added back deleted scenes that flesh out his life.  A few extra seconds expand his torturous childhood.  But the most important additions are two scenes (plus an extension of a third) that introduce us to Constantine’s demon lover.  Constantine‘s director, Francis Lawrence, had cut her out of the story because he wanted John Constantine to be alone before meeting Angela.  But what could be more alone than desperately seeking out a girl (very definitely the wrong girl) for some kind of contact and having her laugh at your pain.  Her return to the movie also repairs some rough editing in the original as her removal wasn’t seamless.

Jorge displays a keener understanding of editing than original editor Wayne Wahrman in his less significant changes.  He gives us Angela’s view of Hell when she first sees it (when it is dramatically pertinent) instead of at the end when we should be with Constantine.  He also removes a bug demon attack where the CGI wasn’t up to snuff.  The addition of a few seconds of cab travel at the beginning works to ease the viewer into Constantine’s world.  These are small matters, but they add up.

Hellblazer is not only well thought out, it is skillfully executed. The changes are undetectable. Each deletion is invisible.  Simply put, this is beautiful work.  One addition could have used color correction (the deleted scene source is lower quality than the rest of the film) but that’s a minor item.

Jorge’s version is not a magnificent film, but it beats the original. There’s little more that could be done to improve upon it (perhaps a bit less of the priest when he is on his own).  Since this isn’t a case where multiple versions are necessary, I plan to retire my DVD of  Constantine and put Hellblazer in its place.

 Fan Edits, Reviews

The Big Sleep: Doctor M Reconstructed Gangrel Hybrid Cut

Sep 282012
 

This is a review of a “Fan Edit,” and is intended for people who are familiar with the “original” studio cut(s).  I may reveal details of that version, including twists and the ending.

Perfection.  I’d say “brilliant,” but it really isn’t; it’s obvious.  “Brilliant” should be reserved for things that everyone and his uncle couldn’t see from Albuquerque, in the dark, wearing an eye patch.  In this case, however, apparently no one was in Albuquerque, in the dark, light, or dim, with any kind of eye covering.  There it was, staring everyone in the face, and it took a couple of fan editors to see it.

The perfect but not brilliant matter in question is an edit of The Big Sleep.  The Big Sleep is one of the pillars of Film Noir. It is literate, exciting, and one of the best films ever made.  I don’t have a definitive list of top twenty or thirty movies, but I have no doubt that it would slide into that crowd.  How could it not?  Based on a novel by Raymond Chandler, the screenplay was co-written by Nobel Prize laureate William Faulkner.  It was directed by Howard Hawks and starred Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall.  And the movie is even better than that list would indicate.  They attained a synergy seldom seen in any art form.  Yeah, The Big Sleep is that good.  (Read my critique here.)

So, what can there possibly be to edit?  In 1945, the film was shown to soldiers, but there was no hurry to get it out to the general public (the war was coming to an end, and the studio had plenty of war pictures to get out while they were relevant).  In the mean time, Bacall’s Confidential Agent flopped and there was fear that her recently risen star might fall.  Audiences wanted her edgy and sharp, which she wasn’t in Confidential Agent and was to only a limited degree in The Big Sleep.  So, re-shoots were called, giving her sexier outfits and wittier lines (and more of them).  The romance was intensified and her character, Vivian Rutledge, was made more likeable.  To make room for Bacall’s enlarged part, some of the private-eye work was cut: twenty minutes out, eighteen in.

Did the changes make it a better film?  It’s hard to say.  It was a masterpiece before and a different masterpiece afterwards.  Certainly the straight replacement scenes are richer and more entertaining:

Vivian: You go too far, Marlowe.
Marlowe: Those are harsh words to throw at a man, especially when he’s walking out of your bedroom.

However, the ’45 cut is ever-so-slightly less murky, and with a plot this confusing, a touch of clarity may stop a few brains from exploding.

The Big Sleep: Doctor M Reconstructed Gangrel Hybrid Cut
Editor(s): Doctor M.  Runtime: 123 min (+9 min).  2007.

Gangrel (who may be a person, group, or flock of crows) saw what the studios should have, at least for the DVD: the two versions could be integrated for an even better third.  Use the 1946 cut as a basis, and then put back in the bits that explain the story.  But Gangrel ran into technical difficulties.

Enter Doctor M (who could be an individual or a pride of space kittens), who took Gangrel’s idea and ran with it.  He also retracted Gangrel’s alteration of Marlowe’s encounter with Mona Mars.  (Gangrel chose the 1945 version because he found the actress who played Mona sexier than her replacement.  That’s a subjective call I can’t make, but what is clear is that the later version is considerably more dynamic).

The changes (from the ’46 version) include:

  • Extension of Marlowe’s search of Gieger’s House.
  • Addition of Marlowe driving with an unconscious Carmen.
  • Addition of Marlowe, Bernie, Capt. Cronjager, and D.A. White discussing the case.
  • Addition of Marlowe working on the code.
  • Addition of Marlowe pocketing his gun before entering Art Huck’s service station.

What Doctor M gives us is everything good about the ’45 version, but with added clarity and improved pacing.  That last bit might be odd since the D.A. scene was removed and the house-searching scene was trimmed to improve pacing and keep the film relatively short.  But The Big Sleep is rapid fire from the start.  It races without a dull moment.  It didn’t need any help with speed.

When the Bogart/Bacall romance was intensified (sorry, make that Marlowe/Rutledge) it became one of the quickest screen romances, and I’m counting eighty years of romantic comedies.  These two develop strong feelings with relatively little interaction.  Re-inserting the cut P.I. moments doesn’t increase the objective number of days that are supposed to pass in the film (another day or two would make such a close bonding more likely), but it makes it feel like more time has passed.  This, in turn, makes the quick budding relationship feel as if it is progressing at a more believable rate.

While I proclaimed this the perfect cut, I’m going to have to pull back on that, declaring this to be the near-perfect cut.  Clipping in a brief 1945 scene of Marlowe driving with the unconscious sister causes a continuity error when he arrives at the Sternwood estate (the scene was undoubtedly cut for this reason).  He walks up to the door in the rain wearing a coat, and when the door is opened from the other side, it’s ’46, and both the rain and coat are missing.  It’s hard to ignore.  (The butler later handing Marlowe his coat is not a continuity error as it has now begun to rain in 1946, and the Butler has been to the car where he could have picked up the coat.)

Doctor M’s additions are seamless.  Without foreknowledge, I’d never have guessed this wasn’t a studio release.  The picture isn’t as crisp as on my DVD, however, I only noticed because I did a direct comparison.

OK, so The Hybrid Cut isn’t perfect, but damn it’s good.

 Fan Edits, Reviews

In Reply to Petty Evil

Jul 262012
  July 26, 2012

All Geeks: Come On Down

In the last few days the Internet has been flooded with comments related to an ugly article written by one Joe Peacock in which he claims the power to designate who is, and who is not, a geek, and, as being a member of geek culture is a precious thing, he’s not allowing in attractive women cosplayers.

It is a bizarre thesis, and disturbing, and I admit having the urge to psychoanalyze him. What makes him so angry with hot, spandex-clad females? But that leads us into ad hominem territory, so best to leave Mr. Peacock’s mental state in untouched shadows. I’ll stick to his disquieting statements.

For those lucky enough to have missed it, Peacock, writing on CNN (which should know better) states that there are women appearing at geek events who he objects to in the way I might object to a group of neo-Nazis appearing in my living room.

What I’m talking about is the girls who have no interest or history in gaming

I get sick of wannabes who couldn’t make it as car show eye candy slapping on a Batman shirt and strutting around comic book conventions instead.

Continue reading »

 Thoughts

Why Science Fiction Films?

Jun 272012
  June 27, 2012

Fantasy (of which Science Fiction is a sub-genre) is belittled by supporters of the “mainstream,” both in literature and in film. This is a strange, modern development as the greatest works of literature are fantasies. The Iliad, Beowulf, and Hamlet are all works that shaped the arts, and all are fantasies (some people try to ignore the ghost as a fantastical element in Hamlet, but then some people are very silly). In the last 75 years, the mainstream has become more and more, “slice of life” pieces, reflecting everyday life. In general, you could gain the same meaning by going down to the corner store and watching someone shop. It isn’t just by tradition that fantasies tend to say more about the meaning of life – the genre was made for it. Fantasy allows the reader/viewer to step away from his beliefs and preconceived notions and look at the world in a new way. That gives it an ability to change people that no other genre has. Continue reading »

 Thoughts

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Feb 262012
 
three reels

Eight year’s after Batman took the blame for Harvey Dent’s crimes, Gotham City appears better on the surface, but, if anything, is worse for the 99%. In it, idealistic police officer John Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) tries to make a difference while jewel thief Selina Kyle (Anne Hathaway) just tries to get by in a world that doesn’t care. Bane (Tom Hardy), trained by the League of Shadows, arrives with mysterious plans for a revolution that involves Wayne Enterprises.

The third Nolan Batman film is by far the most interesting. It is also the dumbest. It is chocked full of messages on economic inequality and terrorism and plastered with allusions to the French revolution. It also contradicts the entire point of The Dark Knight. It turns out all that stuff about the hero Gotham needs—that was all wrong. The symbol of Harvey Dent, the White Knight, was of no value at all. In fact everything that film had to say about heroism was off the mark. The entire previous film was meaningless. Well, I guess that was one way for Nolan to go. I can’t say I mind that as blaming Batman (when the Joker was an easy fall guy) was nonsensical. What I can’t figure is if this is Nolan contradicting himself with no thought, or if he came to believe that his earlier position was too naive. As he is so focused here on the plight of the 99% and the sins of the 1%, there’s a bit more ammunition for the latter.

As for the stupid parts, there’s an ancient secret prison that lack plumbing but gets Gotham City cable news. There’s the muffled Bane voice (and does Nolan have an obsession with White Brits? This is the second character he’s White-washed). There’s orphan-sight (yes, all orphans know each other). There’s the entire police force running underground together. There’s the end of the film, with its miss-timed and underpowered nuclear bomb and impossible survival. And there’s so much more.

None of the Nolan films play fair, but in this one it is harder to find a spot where it follows its own rules. Stock exchange trades that occur during an armed attack are certified. Huh. Cartilage destruction that would leave Batman in a wheelchair is simply ignored. OK. A broken back is fixed by tugging on ropes. Ummm… And in a supposedly realistic world, Bane is an old fashioned comic book super villain.

So, the movie is dim. It drags at times. Interactions with Alfred are neither fun nor interesting. Its message is delivered with the subtlety of a machinegun and still manages to be confused. It is over-stuffed with villains and heroes. Yet it might be the most enjoyable of the three. Partly that is due to Batman actually being a likable character for the first time. Partly that is due to him having a heroic arc that, while impossible, is engaging. Partly it is due to having a character that is witty and whose feelings I could care about, that being Selina Kyle. And partly it is due to it not ending as a depressing drama as its immediate predecessor, nor as a ridiculous, empty, but grim fight as the first film, but as a wild, post-apocalyptic war. Reality is tossed away. Considering how Nolan had treated reality, it was time for it to go. The big stupid fight at the end may indeed be stupid, but it is a good time.

As for the confused message, all three of the films make a mess of their messages. All three hammer on vague ideas but never say anything coherent. The first two films might have themes that are more eternal, but as they lack clarity, end up saying little. Now, five years after its release, the unfocused theme of The Dark Knight Rises seems prescient. The corruption and greed of the elites will lead to their destruction at the hands of the oppressed masses, but the revolution won’t bring anything to those masses. It is Brexit and Trump, and the only happy ending is to go off to Paris with the hot chick.

 Reviews, Superhero Tagged with:

The Avengers (2012) [MCU Ranking]

Jan 272012
 
five reels

Avengers

Iron Man, Thor, The Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Captain America join together under Nick Fury’s command to save the world from Loki and an invasion of aliens.

Was there any doubt what film would end up on top? The Avengers is a near perfect action film. Whedon directs his over-sized ensemble cast as if he’s directing a symphony: a complicated flow yet with everything in its place. It seems like it is all about the action, and there is a lot, but it isn’t. It’s all about the characters. Everyone has their moment to shine.

The re-casting of Bruce Banner with Mark Ruffalo was spot on, giving us a thoughtful but troubled scientist. Better still was the crafting of The Hulk. I’d never cared much for the character, and my wife was even more disdainful—and we were won over. Though no one stood out as much as Tom Hiddleston’s Loki. After The Avengers, he is arguably the most popular character in the MSU, vying with Tony Stark for the title. He’s dangerous, but also funny and sympathetic.

With such care given to the dialog, to character development, and to emotional depth, it is surprising how Whedon is happy to go full-on fanboy and give us some of the greatest “wow, cool!” moments ever. Several of these involve The Hulk, who seems unable to avoid punching Asgardians. I’ve never heard so much cheering in a theater.

I’d love to see Marvel top The Avengers. I’m not counting on it, and if they can’t, that’s OK. There’s a lot of room under it to still be great.

 

 Reviews, Superhero Tagged with:

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

Jan 102012
 
two reels

Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield), whose parents disappeared while believing they were in a James Bond movie, is just your average, everyday super genius high school teenager. While attempting to connect with Dr. Curt Connors (Rhys Ifans), his father’s old one-armed colleague, he is bitten by a genetically altered spider and yada yada yada, Spider-Man, dead Uncle Ben (Martin Sheen)—you know the score. His girlfriend this time is Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone), whose father (Denis Leary) is the police captain and a jerk. And Connors becomes a giant evil lizard, because every adult Peter knows turns into a super-villain.

It is hard to get past how unnecessary The Amazing Spider-Man is. No one needed a second telling of Spider-Man’s origin story in ten years. I wasn’t all that fond of Raimi’s trilogy, but that didn’t mean it needed to be redone. If we were stuck with a reboot, did it need to be one made up of piece of Raimi’s Spider-Man films? Raimi had already run the same basic story into the ground, but here it is again.

If you want to see scenes you’ve seen before, you’ll get to. We have the Uncle Ben speech and his death. We get Peter breaking things and learning to swing. We get confrontations with the villain that are re-writes from the earlier films. We get the girlfriend rejection scene. We’re even given the working-Joes of New York all getting behind Spider-Man just like in the 2002 film. This is not the place to look for anything new.

If Sony insisted on doing it all again, they should have tried to do something—anything—better. Instead they once again failed with humor (Spider-Man is supposed to be funny) and gave us characters I am excited to ignore. Every second of family melodrama is unpleasant and there is a lot of family melodrama.

And they can’t get Peter right. At least this 29-year-old actor looks a little younger than the 27-year-old they tried last time. Too old, but better. They missed on “dweeby, average teen” as well as this Peter is handsome, agile, cool, and intelligent. Not just intelligent, but Einstein-was-an-idiot level of intelligence. And he’s the greatest tailor in the history of mankind. If they wanted to tell a story about this very special guy, that’s fine; rewrite the story so that it isn’t about a teen with regular problems growing up. This Peter is not someone with regular problems. Peter does now have an unnatural stutter. I’m guessing this was their nod to making him uncool. It doesn’t work but it is annoying.

The villain is a composite of past villains, without any concern for if that makes sense. He’s Doc Octavius—friendly to Peter, acting as a minor father-figure and, of course, being a super scientist. He suddenly finds his funding being taken away and his life’s work taken, so he tests his untried, super serum on himself, exactly like Norman Osborn. He even starts raving to himself like the Green Goblin. And like the Goblin, he figures out who Spider-Man really is and goes after him.

They added an espionage side-story that ran on into the sequel but never arrived anywhere. Maybe if the super secret spy Parkers had a purpose. Or maybe if Uncle Ben was less Yoda.

Andrew Garfield had potential, if he’d been allowed to play an age-appropriate Spidey. And been given a script that had any reason to exist. The film’s colorful and the FX is OK. And that’s about it.

It was followed by The Amazing Spider-Man 2, which killed the franchise, and forced Sony to make a deal for Spider-Man to appear in the MCU, starting with Captain America: Civil War and then Spider-Man: Homecoming.

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Thor (2011) [MCU Ranking]

Sep 272011
 
3,5 reels

Thor

Thor, the arrogant and unworthy son of the Asgardian King is exiled to Earth, giving his troubled brother, Loki, a chance at the throne.

Thor is two movies: A bold, beautiful, epic fantasy of gods and monsters, and a small scale relationship/self-improvement flick. One of these works. Everything in Asgard is bright and huge and fun. It’s an opera and it is nearly flawless. On Earth, well, it’s a mess. The real problem is timing. Thor needs years and many trials to transform from a brave fool to a true hero. His relationship with Jane Foster requires weeks at the very least. It all happens in days.

“Hi, I’m Jane Foster, I love you.”
“Hi, I’m Thor, I love you too, and I think I’ve just reevaluated my entire life. Yup.”

Hemsworth and Portman have zero chemistry, but then the script never gives them a chance. Watch Thor by pausing the movie mid-way through the Earth section, go out for dinner, and pretend that while you’re away, the movie is still going on filling in all the missing material, come back and hit play, and you’re good to go.

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Green Lantern (2011)

Apr 262011
 
2.5 reels

Irresponsible test pilot Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds) is given a ring by a dying alien, making him a member of the Green Lantern intergalactic police. His powers are based on his strength of will, but there is another power in the universe, one based on fear. Parallax uses that power to destroy worlds, and he’s on his way to Earth.

Ryan Reynolds kept trying superheroes till he got it right. This wasn’t that time. But Green Lantern isn’t as bad as its reputation suggests. It just isn’t very good.

Reynolds has plenty of charm and the basic idea of the Green Lantern corp, which is powered by will, having to fight an enemy of its own making, powered by fear, is a solid one. And the rest of the cast, particularly Mark Strong, does the best it can with some clichéd characters. The foundation is here for a good action flick, if not a great one. The problem isn’t the one-liners or the CG, as is often suggested, but a pointlessly unlikable protagonist and a lack of imagination. For twenty minutes we’re shown that Hal is an asshole, and not an interesting asshole like Tony Stark or an understandable one like Steven Strange. He’s just an asshole. He screws over everyone at his company, supposedly due to daddy issues, expressed in a way that made me want Hal to die in a fiery crash. When he is confronted with angry ex-coworkers, we are supposed to be on Hal’s side, particularly as this is the first time he uses his powers (and in such a way that should have killed his opponents if the movie cared about things like physics), but I found myself siding with the out of work men and their desire for revenge. Sure, Hal gets better, but that’s demonstrated in speeches we’re heard a hundred times before.

The battles are not exciting, and there is too much CG, but the problem is with character. I’ve seen a lot worse action, but with no one to care about, and nothing innovative or unexpected, Green Lantern ends up as a might have been.

As is common now, a second cut of the film was released for home viewing. Sometimes adding footage helps. More often it harms a film. In the case of Green Lantern Extended Cut, it is a disaster. It contains the positives and negatives of the theatrical cut and then adds significant pacing problems. The Extended Cut slaps on ten minutes of footage, all of which is unnecessary. A majority of it involves young Hal. Pre-MCU superhero movies had a strange obsession with childhood flashbacks and they are never a good idea. Here it is worse than normal. We learn nothing about Hal that wasn’t clear from later scenes, but we do get to spend a lot of time watching him run around, gaze at his father, and violate any reasonable safety protocols (jet test sites let kids run around on the runway during dangerous tests? I don’t think so.). The additional scenes slow the film to a crawl, destroy the opening, and so irritated me as a viewer that the movie never won me back. Green Lantern had a lot of problems already; it couldn’t afford more.

The original cut is also available, so skip the extended one.

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Kick-Ass (2010)

Oct 042010
 
four reels

Dave (Aaron Johnson) is a nerdy, comic-book reading, bullied, high school student who decides that he will be a costumed superhero, though he has no reason to believe he will be any good at it.  Wearing an unusual wetsuit, he sets out to foil crime, and fails miserably. But a hospital stay later, he becomes an Internet sensation as “Kick-Ass” when he is filmed fighting off local gang-bangers.  He also attracts the attention of Frank D’Amico (Mark Strong), a crime lord who suspects Kick-Ass of ruining his coke trade. Unknown to all, the slightly deranged father-daughter superhero team of Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) and Hit-girl (Chloe Moretz) are cleaning up the streets and plan to destroy D’Amico, and Kick-Ass’s path puts him right in the middle of their war.

Seventy-five percent of Kick-Ass is old-school teen comedy. Dave tries to step out of his average life and gets more than he bargained for. There’s a girl, of course, and a pair of goofy side-kicks. It’s fun, with some above average gags, and a few engaging if underdeveloped characters. The plot is linear, rarely even trying to slide in a surprise, except for how thin it all is and how unnecessary large chunks are (the love interest could be plucked from the film without a re-write). The voice-over works, which is a shock in itself, and the villains are properly diabolic. It takes itself way too seriously, but that is a flaw of many films even thinly connected to the super-hero genre; it isn’t to Hulk  levels, but it could be turned down a few notches.

But then there is that other twenty-five percent, the stuff that saps away time from the teen romance and coming of age story, and it is nothing but surprises. After ten minutes of that cookie-cutter tale, we’re introduced to Damon Macready (Cage), a loving and caring father with a special relationship with his eleven-year-old daughter, Mindy. They laugh and chat and share their feelings. Oh, and they kill people.  Lots of people. With guns and knives and grenades and some kind of pole arm, and every moment is hysterical mayhem. Cage is in top demented form (and he’s an actor that knows demented) as the bubbly dad who puts on a Batman-like bodysuit and carries a sniper rifle. But no matter how much fun watching him cause havoc is, he is overshadowed, as is the rest of the picture, by Chloe Moretz’s Mindy/Hit-Girl.

Hit-Girl swears like seven sailors with syphilis and cuts down bad guys like Neo merged with Jason Voorhees. Limbs fly, blood sprays, the little girl smiles happily, and every second is a joy to behold. It’s over the top, highly violent, and just great fun. The real flaw of the film is that it leaves Hit-Girl. Every moment with Dave and his high school friends is a moment you’ll be longing for Hit-Girl. Does her screen time make up for the general amusing mediocrity of the rest of the movie?  Oh yes, many times over.

Even the mediocre stuff is satisfying by the time the end credits roll around. The comic-opera combat just takes it to a higher level. It is simple to determine if this is a film for you. Do you like fast-moving, tear-down-the-walls, death and dismemberment action like you would find in a Hong Kong kung fu or cop epic? If yes, would you like it even better if a tween girl was the killing machine? If so, this movie is for you, and the humor is just a bonus.

If not…your life is missing the warmth that can only be gained from knowing what sweet little girls are really like.

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